As I, In Solitude, Lay--An Ode to a Power Blackout

Every now and then, life sends us a message that pretty much says slow down. Anyone who read my earlier post about the slow pace of life in the village would probably think that I wouldn't have a problem with slowing down...after all, its pretty much a way of life over here. I would have thought so too if not for the fact that I've felt a certain sense of disconnect lately. I think this feeling has stemmed from my inability to drum to the village's beat. I've gotten so used to the mentality that just sitting down for hours on end is akin to being unproductive. "If I'm to just sit," I've told myslef, "I might as well make sure I'm being productive while sitting." Attempts to be productive have included practicing my Thai, reading whatever material I get my hands on, writing, etc. While there is nothing wrong with these, I've realized that it's also important to learn how to just sit with oneself. Not to say I haven't tried (though I can't get past 2o minutes before I start feeling like I'm wasting time.)


But, as I said, life sends us messages every now and then. In my case, it was sent through a blackout. Not just any blackout (blackouts are a normal occurance in my village.) There were other variables involved in this one. First, the moon wasn't out nor were than any stars. Because of the extreme darkness, I could not read. Next, there was a strong enough breeze that candles were useless. Since no one lit any candles, my entire street was dark. The timing was great too. I've been in my village long enough to not be a source of fascination...people no longer go out of their way to talk to the foreigner. And for some reason, all the kids in my street were gone. Usually, during blackouts, a couple of them would come over and we would make shadow puppets on my wall. Not on this particualr blackout though. All these factors made for 2 hours of laying in my hammock in darkness and silence. It was AMAZING. Granted I took out my ipod and listened to some Bob Marley and Simon and Garfunkel but it was so relaxing. I drifted in and out of sleep. I day dreamt. I sat with my thoughts and let each chain work its way through without jumping from one thought to the next. I was aware of my breathing. I slept somemore. I thought about how cool my work is...how lucky I am to have Caitlin..how awesome my family is. I was in peace. It was one of the most relaxing couple of hours of my life and I enjoyed it. So much that I was actually a little disappointed when my power came back.

Anyhow, I was aware that I had just experienced something special and before I went to bed that night, I wrote these words down.


Twas neither star nor moon
On that May night
As I, in solitude, lay.

Absent too was children's laughter
That had earlier filled the day.

Yet as star and moon and the heart of youth
Were absent from that night
I, in my solitude, embraced all their light

For the moment of peace I felt that night
As I, in solitude, lay
Was filled with the grace of heaven
And the joy of a child at play.